Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Blast through the burn and ride the zone!

Do you remember that episode of the Simpsons, where Homer is trying to climb the Murderhorn? When he thinks that he's finally reached the top, he looks up and sees another humongous cliff to climb. D'oh!
That's what I feel like now, coming to the end of chemo 19. I thought that getting through chemo 18 would leave me with a sense of accomplishment, and that being halfway through my clinical trial would leave me on a downslope. I wanted to coast to the finish where Rainier Wolfcastle would greet me.
Instead, I'm staring into the face of more PET scans, bone scans, and CAT scans. I've got fatigue, body aches, and GERD. I despise the discipline of being an unwilling participant in the medical research world. And I've gone through three jumbo tubs of Aquaphor in the past nine months, including the one that was taken from me at the Denver airport. I guess I'm just feeling really bitchy- at once appalled by the fact that I still have a year to go, and terrified that the treatments will stop working and that I won't even make it to the next chemo.
Can I turn this bad mood around and unleash the power of apples? Check in after July 7, when I next see my doctor.

2 Comments:

Blogger jennifer said...

hang in there, lo! you're almost there.

June 25, 2008 9:30 AM  
OpenID lalilster said...

para ti lo: http://lalilster.tumblr.com/post/41358049/para-mi-amiga-lo-i-am-fighting-with-you-us

July 07, 2008 1:54 PM  

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