Friday, March 24, 2006

In which I reveal the true venality and depthlessness of my soul

Alternative title: Don't judge me.
I know that the bride isn't supposed to even breathe the word "gifts." Don't worry, you're probably never going to purchase this:

the object of my desire
Originally uploaded by the anti-binky.

*Sigh*. I'm in love.
I mean, this pattern is superlative. I first spotted it at Breed & Co. here in Austin, and I have not been able to get it out of my mind. It is such a wondrous combination of 1) wildlife accuracy 2) decorativeness 3) true, devil-may-care ugly. The ladies' hanky floral border, the pictures of animals someone totally shot, the truly dreary color scheme. Wow. Then consider this: it's Spode, so the price of this dish could probably cover some small appliance. Which is to say, it is a piece with absolutely no redeeming value. I want it desperately. I mean, when am I ever going to find an uglier dish? And, to extrapolate, isn't marriage an opportunity to get the whole set?

My sister tells me that if I actually register for this stuff, I will instantly regret it. The Maid of Honor thinks that if I do get I will never eat anything but cold Spaghetti-o's again (she, too, is caught in this pattern's spell).

So, I guess that I'm asking you for favor: could you break the spell? Steer me towards even uglier dishes, so I won't yearn for these?


Blogger The Maid of Honor said...

I will never, NEVER, veer you away from this pattern!
That being said, I will, beyond the shadow of any doubt, be buying you something, much, much cheaper than that turkey platter.
I would further like to clarify that I never said anything about you only eating cold spaghetti-o's for the rest of your life, if you chose that as your pattern. What I did say was that upon seeing that pattern for the first time I had a vision of you (or me) sitting in a "Swiss" "Chalet" style house, packed full of gingerbread woodwork along the plate railings, dressed in lederhosen and a wifebeater, and one of those little hats that go along with lederhosen, and the knee socks and the weird solid shoes, eating cold spaghetti-os out of the big bear bowl with a big silver spoon, with a polka band version of the chicken dance song playing in the backgroud. This vision struck me with all the vividness of prophecy. I hope that someone out there is willing to spring for the bear bowl. If I bought it for them, it would cheapen my prophetic vision, don't you think?

March 24, 2006 10:51 PM  
Anonymous lorelei said...

Oddly, I became familiar with this very pattern in Santa Cruz over the winter. I am now the proud owner of this: (but in tiny saucer format.) I fully support your pursuit of this pattern and will happily purchase a piece for you if that's what your heart desires.

March 29, 2006 9:40 AM  
Anonymous Noemon said...

I have a crack team working on this, and am confident that I will be able to offer you links to even more abysmally ugly dishes soon. In the meantime, though, I'll leave you with this almost equally ugly and much more ominously named plate:

April 03, 2006 11:14 AM  
Anonymous Noemon said...

Aaaaand I have another contender (so far the people I've asked to help me have had much better luck at coming up with ugly plates than I have--this is another one I can't take credit for, I'm afraid):

April 03, 2006 9:14 PM  

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